I remember my university days with a great deal of fondness. A lot of it is probably seen through rose-tinted glasses, in fairness, but I do miss the days of dodgy alcopops, nine hours of politics lectures a week, and cramming the night before essay deadlines (if my mum's reading this, don't worry, I won't mention the phone call about the mattress). We also used to have a lot of takeaways, and had at least seven within a five minute walk of the house.
I remember my university days with a great deal of fondness. A lot of it is probably seen through rose-tinted glasses, in fairness, but I do miss the days of dodgy alcopops, nine hours of politics lectures a week, and cramming the night before essay deadlines (if my mum's reading this, don't worry, I won't mention the phone call about the mattress). We also used to have a lot of takeaways, and had at least seven within a five minute walk of the house. You could pop to get some chips during a long ad break (it was before the days of being able to pause live TV). My favourite was the £1.50 fish n' chips.
Nowadays, takeaways are a lot easier to obtain, with a plethora of apps constantly trying to tempt us back with discount codes in our E-mail. Or is that just me? We keep being told drones will soon be delivering pizzas and kebabs, but I worry about them arriving lukewarm at best, given food passed through the car window is often not hot enough for my liking. Cold fries make me almost as sad as spotting Boris Johnson's book in the supermarket or a James Corden carpool karaoke sketch flashing up on my YouTube suggestions.
Anyhow, Deliveroo has recently released details of the products ordered most often this year, and it's thrown up a few surprises. Chicken wings, caesar salads and a whole Waitrose cucumber are the UK's top trending food deliveries of this year. I can honestly say in my 47 years on the planet, I've never had cravings for cucumber, except perhaps after I've poured a Hendricks gin.
The most popular UK food delivery was eight boneless wings from Wingstop, which has recently opened a new outlet at White Rose shopping centre in Leeds and constantly has a queue outside, whilst the nearby Frankie & Bennys looks a little sorry for itself. I'd go for a calzone over chicken wings any day of the week.
Other top orders include a Haaland Schiacciata from Ad Maiora in Manchester, which sounds rather epic to be honest. It's named after Manchester City striker Erling Haaland, and has rave reviews that urge customers to "believe the hype". Might have to try one for research purposes. I'm sure there are no Slimming World syns if you order one on a Friday.
Worldwide, a sweet treat has taken the top spot, with a dessert in Dubai that went viral on TikTok claiming the number one position. Some have apparently travelled 4,000 miles to try one. I'd have just stayed at home and had a cornetto, to be honest.
Salads have apparently knocked burgers out of the Deliveroo top ten, which is a little surprising. I always thought the little bag of salad you got with a curry was just to assuage your guilty conscience before you tossed it into the kitchen bin with the used kitchen roll.
Deliveroo says there is a new 'TikTok to table' effect, with people seeing dishes on the social media platform and rushing to try them. There's also been a 600 per cent increase in folk ordering grocery items on the platform.
Personally, I love local independent shops, choosing my own fruit and veg, and don't trust takeaways to arrive hot enough, so I always collect them. Returning to the cucumber thing, and I'm really baffled by this trend. I've got another new word for you, coined by Uber Eats - 'grocernauts'. These are described as "tech-savvy, time-poor shoppers for whom ordering essentials through a delivery app is a smarter option than going to the shops". These folk are apparently replacing crisps and chocolate with strawberries and cucumbers. Each to their own, I suppose, but I'd rather have a pipe of Pringles for a treat than a Liz Truss lettuce.
None of this data has any mention of prawn toast, and that's what I've been craving for the entire time I've been writing this article, drizzled with a good amount of Hendo's relish. That's what I'll be enjoying this weekend. Hold the cucumber, unless it's part of a duck pancake.
Two more food confessions, since this is a safe space. I've only ever had two sick days from work since 1998, and one of those was caused by gluttony. And I also once pretended to have some friends round when a family-sized pizza was delivered to my door. I was home alone, and it was all for me. Every slice. Thanks for attending my food Ted talk.
Alex B Cann column: Should we have the right to switch off?
