This New words and phrases are added to the dictionary all the time. Much like my pile of books by the bed, language is never a finished product.
This year's fresh new entries include trauma dumping (defined as unsolicited, one-sided sharing of traumatic or intensely negative experiences or emotions in an inappropriate setting or with people who are unprepared for the interaction), petfluencer (a person who gains a large following on social media by posting entertaining images or videos of their pet...spare me!), and cakeism (the false belief that one can enjoy the benefits of two choices that are in fact mutually exclusive...say for example the trading advantages offered by single market membership whilst also advocating Brexit).
The cherry on top of recent additions though has to be phubbing. According to those nice people at the Cambridge Dictionary, it is the rude act of completely ignoring someone you are spending time with, opting instead to give your attention to your mobile phone. You may be doing this right now, simultaneously scrolling through your social media feed with a cuppa whilst also skim reading my column. I demand your full attention immediately!
If you've ever been sitting with a friend catching up on the gossip over a coffee or Aperol Spritz, but found their phone proves more interesting than listening to news about your life, you've probably been a victim of phubbing. I'm sorry to say there isn't even a helpline set up as yet. In case the penny hasn't dropped yet by the way, it is a clever combination of the words "phone" and "snubbing". It was actually coined way back in May 2012, and can have a tangibly damaging impact on friendships and relationships.
A recent study in Turkey, snappily titled "The mediator role of effective communication skills on the relationship between phubbing tendencies and marriage satisfaction in married individuals" put this matter under the microscope. A sample group of over 700 married couples with an average age of 37 had their behaviour assessed, and it was found conflict and distance between partners were both heightened where clear examples of phubbing took place.
The Turkish scientists concluded that engaging with each other instead of doom scrolling or liking strangers' Instagram posts is better for a relationship. It's perhaps not a surprise, to be fair. The apps we use on our smartphones are designed to be addictive. The endless ping of notifications does my head in, to be honest, and I'll often put my phone on 'Do Not Disturb' mode to alleviate the tedium of it all. I wonder sometimes if the world would be a better place if social media was just switched off for a bit. Keyboard warriors would need to find something more constructive to do. People who currently 'take to Twitter' might actually go out for a walk and get some fresh air. Taron Egerton recently said he was taking a break, as he was sick of reading other peoples' thoughts, and had lost sight of his own. I sympathise. Perhaps the Twitter reading limit imposed by Musk on those of us with better things to spend 8 quid on wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Expanding further on the Turkish study, researchers said "people should be mindful about being present with their loved ones to show they care and put their phone away." Apparently, the average person spends three hours 23 minutes a day on their phone and checks it 58 times. I'm fairly sure until recently I was way above this, but am trying hard to cut down. I'm considering not taking my phone away when I go on holiday for a few days soon.
In our modern world, there are a multitude of ways to keep in touch, yet a lot of us feel lonely and less connected than ever. If you haven't seen a friend for months, it's frankly rude to be prioritising the football scores, a funny cat video on TikTok, or someone commenting on your check-in on Facebook. None of that froth really matters, does it? Same goes for people who I regularly see scrolling through their phones at the traffic lights.
How did we cope before smartphones? Three words come to mind - it can wait. Or even switch it off. Try it, and enjoy a ping-free half hour! Disconnecting can be pretty liberating. By all means have a sneaky check of your notifications when your friend pops to the bar or the loo, but to get your phone out mid-conversation is just rude.
